The Preacher and Boundaries
The Preacher and Boundaries
We are in a series on the challenges of preaching in this time. In the last post I mentioned the need for good boundaries if you are going to survive the expectations of the people you serve. So, here we go considering the preacher and boundaries for your life.
What are Healthy Boundaries?
Henry Cloud
One of the best writers and speakers on the issue of boundaries is Dr. Henry Cloud. You can access his website at this address: Boundaries.me. He teaches us that a boundary is pretty simple. It is like owning a house. The walls are a boundary to your neighbor or others. You control what enters the house. You control what is allowed to stay in the house.
Now picture your life as a house. You can put a boundary on your feelings, attitudes, behaviors and choices. These are yours. You can control what comes into your “house”.
Setting Your Boundaries
As I mentioned the last time, it took me a long time to begin to set boundaries. In fact, my lack of boundaries led me to a deep depression and finally leaving that first congregation.
Let’s look at one boundary to start: the use of your time. When I first entered ministry, I thought that my time was not my own. I didn’t understand about the preacher and boundaries. My time belonged to the people of my church. So, I was available at any time, 24 hours per day. Mondays were my day off, a time of recovery from the schedule that I shared in the last post. But if someone called, I picked up the phone and answered. If they wanted me to do something, I did it.
The strangest example of this was when I got a call from a young woman in church. She apologized for calling, but she had a flat tire, and her husband had already left for his work. She was wondering who she could get hold of, and figured I would be available. Yes, I went and changed her tire.
This kind of availability began to have consequences for my family. My wife would get irritated, as she was repeatedly left with 2 young children, and was never getting a break. So, we determined that it was time to create a boundary. We got an answering machine, and agreed that on Monday we would not answer the phone. People could leave a message, but if it wasn’t a clear emergency, the call back could wait a day.
Adding Boundaries
After that boundary worked so well for us, we began thinking about others. We had one woman in one of my churches that would call on Sunday night and give her evaluation of my performance leading worship and preaching that day, and the evaluation was always a critique of some kind. This was draining. So, time for a boundary. I informed her that I couldn’t take her calls on Sunday evening anymore. If she wanted to communicate with me, I would be in the office on Tuesday morning, she could call then. The next Sunday evening, sure enough, she called. My wife was rather upset to see that number come up again, so she answered, and said again, in no uncertain terms, that I would not be answering her calls on Sunday evening anymore. The calls stopped. She was upset, of course, but that was the price to pay for a peaceful evening of recovery. In fact, she quit calling at all. She complained about me to her friends, and eventually left the church to move elsewhere. But by that time, I didn’t care.
How To Set Boundaries
It’s not all that difficult. You need to have a conversation with those affected by your life choices, and set your priorities. I had a priority for my family, and that led to some boundaries. There were other boundaries as I realized that the crises that people had in my church didn’t necessarily mean that they had to be my crisis, too. I learned to ask, “Can this wait until tomorrow” before I would rush out to try to be the hero.
Once you set a boundary, of course, you need to keep it. You may need help with this from the significant people in your life who will hold you accountable.
Conclusion
This practice can change positively how you view ministry. If you haven’t set boundaries, get to it. Get Henry Cloud’s book, and put this into practice and your life, ministry, and preaching will improve.
